I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
