i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My balls are so social today.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
