I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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