it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
