I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
