i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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