I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I am spending my child support on dildos
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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