I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
