The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
