Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
