3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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