fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize