so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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