My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
