Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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