why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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