A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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