paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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