She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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