you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
