He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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