So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize