I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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