i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
