HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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