OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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