I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize