I bet he comes in French.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
