so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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