i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize