Your tits are I can't wait for
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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