ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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