I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They have beer where we have blood.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize