she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
