i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This is not my ceiling
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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