if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
