dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
