he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
