Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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