yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
