I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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