Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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