WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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