hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
