she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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