barbara walters just said penis...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
