It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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