Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
