do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
