accomplished twins. life is a go
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
