i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
