you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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