There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
