My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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