I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize