He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
