I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize