Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
