Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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