theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
