Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
